Pingback: DENIALS AND MS!!!! « mshuggers
Well where do I start. My name is Melanie and I was diagnosed in December 2005. It all started at work when I began to walk into the cubicle walls and had slurred speech. I was also falling (like just dropping) and I was being made fun of.
I already had been diagnosed with one horrible disease called pulmonary hypertension (there’s no cure and it’s considered rare and terminal).
So I went to visit my sister and brother in law and I guess I was slurring my words so bad that they dragged me to the ER. All I was told was that my brain was swollen and that I needed to see a neurologist the very next day.
At the neuro I was told I had MS and sent to the hospital for IV steroids. I was in shock! I couldn’t believe it. In fact I didn’t. I was mad at the doctor for giving me this diagnosis so I went to a new one. I figured this stupid jerk was wrong and that the new doctor would tell me I’m fine. No such luck! The new doctor confirmed MS.
I have never been very compliant with my meds because I hate injections. And the side effects are just plain awful. So I’ve been on and off meds for years. Mostly off.
Then Dec 2010 I got hit with another MS attack when I was going to Niagara Falls for vacation. I couldn’t get out of the bed. It was so hard to walk and do things. I tried to enjoy my vacation but couldn’t. It was painful to walk. The cold was just killing me. I just wanted to be home.
My doctor didn’t really believe it was a relapse because nothing showed on the MRI but I had all the symptoms and failed those neuro tests they do for you. So once again I was back on the steroids.
I tried meds again but had such awful side effects and the doc didn’t seem to want to do anything to help me.
I guess it’s funny because a few years before diagnosis my primary care doc looked at me one day and said you have MS. I have no idea how he knew but I guess he did.
So I am trying to get out of denial and I guess the first step is admitting it and talking about it. Maybe trying to find other’s to talk to about it.
I had my share of denial moments, I be sitting at work everything from the waist down would go numb, there were times i lose my balance and fall into things, I dropped alot of things and the brain fog I swear I thought I was going crazy. I when I walked my left foot would drag at times, I had double vision and headaches. I was diagnosed in Oct 2010 actually on my birthday I was told I had MS. It took going to different doctors blood work, so many tests. One doctor told me I was to old to have MS that I should have had signs when I was in my early twenties. Well I got to thinking and actually I did but the doctors never put it all together. So I went on with things thinking maybe that doctor is right lose a few pounds try to exercise more and i be alright, so i carried on like this for months then it got to a point where if I walked from my office to the front of the building it felt like I was running a marathon my legs were so tired and so painfull. I went back to my doctor and we talked it over I’m doing better now but I still have those moments when I want to pretend I’m normal in a way I always will. I won’t stop fighting and as long as we all stand together our voices give us power and maybe we can make a difference for someone.
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